Abyss

The pit was wider than I’d remembered,
Edged with paving of ‘Belief’ and ‘I’m enough’,
But it has a Gremlin, tall and cruel,
With piercing eyes and a terrible tongue.

The air had weight, the sun was bright,
And I was someone almost new,
I passed the pit daily and safely,
Carrying promises I didn’t break.

My excuses slept, tidied neatly away,
Unaffected by the tilting scales,
But the Gremlin watched with a hungry look,
A towering reminder of a hidden past.

The strike of his foot came unexpectedly,
Every decision, every meal, every feeling dissolved,
The ground beneath me ceased to exist,
As I plummeted into the abyss.

Gravity took hold, the surface disappeared,
I heard the Gremlin, soft and calm,
“Don’t fight it, to be hungry is to be home”,
His mouth set in wretched satisfaction.

The throat of the abyss was lined with echoes,
Every meal I’d regretted, every mirror I’d feared,
Light was quickly swallowed by darkness,
My Gremlin’s silhouette watched me become lost.

I eventually hit the bottom,
It was as lonely and cold as I’d remembered,
A basement I’d hoped never again to visit,
The light above became a distant star.

Looking around, the walls weren’t smooth,
Scarred with grooves where my past-self clawed,
Where I’d dragged myself toward the sun,
A desperate bid, etched in pain.

Now I sit in the darkness and breathe,
One breath to let the shame settle,
One breath to acknowledge the fall,
One breath of resolve to face the climb.

I am not yet ready to ascend once more,
I am becoming the version of me that could.

By Paul Webster